Where Fire and Ice Collide
by thelonelyneko
Summary: Natsu has liked Gray for as long as he can remember. And he fucking hates it. He hates that out of all the people in the world he could have fallen in love with, it just had to be an idiotic Ice Mage who most definitely doesn't like him back. Trigger warning: self harm and suicidal thoughts. Yaoi/Slash/BxB
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! I'm actually writing a fanfiction whoaaa! This idea came to me a couple days ago when I was about to fall asleep, and I though to myself 'damn, I have to write this now'. So anyway, just as a warning, this story will be triggering. See ya on the other side!**

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Deeper.

 _Deeper._

Natsu dug the blade into his arm, watching the blood fall with tired eyes. He had to leave soon, the team was going on a mission but he still had a few minutes-

He jumped as someone banged on the bathroom door. "Natsu, are you almost done? We're leaving soon," Lucy said through the door. "I-I'll be out in a minute," he called back, cursing his tremulous voice. He quickly wiped up the crimson liquid from the floor and pulled the sleeve of his vest down.

A wave of mint and snow suddenly hit his nose and he bit back a sigh.

"Hurry up dipshit, you can jack off when we get back."

Natsu decided to ignore that.

He opened the door, hating the way Gray rolled his eyes, mumbling 'finally' under his breath and walking away, as if he were a burden.

Maybe he was.

He stared almost desperately at the ice mage's retreating form, not even knowing he was still standing in front of the bathroom until Lucy placed her hand on his shoulder. "Everything alright?" she whispered softly.

"Of course, let's go destroy shit!" Natsu cheered, smiling wide. Lucy frowned, but followed after Gray, prompting the Dragon Slayer to drop his false cheerfulness.

Lucy knew about his love for Gray, in fact she was the _only_ one who knew. He only knew it was safe to tell her after he accidentally found her secret stash of BL manga one day. She came home to him reading it on her floor, and after finding out he wasn't disgusted, asked him if he wanted to borrow some.

He was tempted, but refused after realizing Happy might find it.

Natsu shook himself out of the past and ran after Gray and Lucy.

After all, he didn't want to be the cause of Erza's anger.

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 **This one's kinda short (okay, its REALLY short), i know, but its more like a prologue than an actual chapter. I hope you like it! Please review and all that**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is so late... school stuff, ya know? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

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Was it possible to feel someone else's anger from miles away? Cause Natsu swore he could feel Erza's from the guild hall. He was just glad it wasn't directed at him.

Yet.

"I-I'm sorry ma'am, but we simply don't have room for you all to sit in the same compartment together. You will have to go," He glanced over at Natsu, who had just arrived, barely out of breath. "2 and 2." The conductor said. He looked nervous. Natsu couldn't blame him.

Erza let out a frustrated sigh, crossing her arms. "Fine. Natsu, you'll go with-"

"Can I go with Lucy?"

He really didn't want to sit with Erza, she might hit him, and it would definitely raise questions if he said he wanted to sit with Gray.

"With Gray."

Natsu cringed as Gray let out a groan of disgust. He should have known Gray would be opposed to this. After all, if you had to be alone with someone you hated for however long they'd be on the train-he grimaced-you probably would not like it.

"Oh come on, why do I have to sit with fucking Flame Breath over here?"

"Shut up, I'm not exactly happy about this either, Icicle Dick!"

He was.

"Dragon Bitch."

"Underwear Man."

"Dipshit."

"Okay, you're not even trying anymore!" Natsu shouted.

"Oh, and you are?!"

"Stop fighting, idiots!" Erza smacked them, leaving a large bump on both of their heads. "We need to get on the train or it'll leave without us." She marched off, Gray stomping after her. Natsu tried to follow but was held back by Lucy grabbing his scarf. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked. "Yeah, I'm going to be sick the whole time anyway so I won't be able to concentrate on anything but not puking," he joked. He could already feel the nausea and he wasn't even on the train yet. "Well… okay…" Lucy mumbled. "You worry too much, Luce. Let's go before Erza yells at us."

The train started moving right as Natsu collapsed into his seat across from Gray. A quiet whimper escaped him when the motion sickness hit.

He hoped Gray didn't hear that.

"Jeez, took you long enough," said man grumbled. Natsu didn't reply, too afraid that if he opened his mouth he'd puke, and instead curled up into a fetal position, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in his scarf.

Usually Gray would keep making fun of him, but now he fell silent. Weird.

Natsu cracked an eye open to look at him, surprised to see the tsundere ice mage actually looking… concerned? He was probably just worried that Natsu might throw up on him.

He closed his eyes again when the train made a wide turn, but as it did, he caught a whiff of something crisp and minty-Gray's scent-and he didn't feel like dying anymore.

His eyes widened. Wait hold on why does Gray's scent make me not sick what does this mean what do I do I can't just be like 'hey Gray when I smell you I don't feel like puking can you come over here so I can smell you?'-

"Why the hell do you look like you've just seen a ghost?"

Natsu jumped and immediately felt nauseous again. "It-s nothing… just s-something stupid…" he managed to say. "Okay…?"

They both fell silent until Natsu spoke up a couple minutes later. "C-can you sit over here?" He didn't care how pathetic he sounded, he found something that would make his motion sickness go away, and even if it was only temporary he wanted it, dammit.

"No? Why the fuck would I do that?" He heard Gray say.

At this point, Natsu didn't care if the whole guild knew that he wanted Gray fucking Fullbuster to sit next to him, he would get this if it killed him. "Just…" He could have cried. "I'll tell you… please…"

To be honest, he was surprised that Gray looked like he was considering it, but he was even more surprised when he actually fucking got up and sat next to him.

His cool minty smell was even stronger than it was earlier, and Natsu actually felt… normal.

"Alright Flame Breath, what's up?"

"Umm…" How should he say this…

"I just found this out, but for some reason when I smell you my motion sickness goes away." Natsu cringed internally after the words next his mouth. That sounded really creepy.

"Oh." Was all Gray said. Natsu narrowed his eyes.

"Why are you acting so… civil? Aren't we supposed to fight all the time or whatever?" he wondered out loud.

He felt Gray sigh beside him and-whoa, he hadn't realized they were that close.

"I like to fight you mostly because you're an idiot most of the time and because I like using my magic, not because I hate you. We're rivals, not enemies. Just because we fight doesn't mean we can't be friends or be nice to each other."

The two fell into silence after Gray spoke.

Did that mean… Gray might be willing to be friends in the guild as well? That would be nice… Natsu thought, right before he fell asleep. He slumped over onto Gray, who was going to make a snarky comment despite what he just said, but shut his mouth when he noticed red marks on Natsu's wrist.

He carefully pulled up the Dragon Slayer's sleeve more to reveal cuts going all the way up his arm. Gray gasped in horror, dropping Natsu's arm.

He didn't know what was going on, but he was definitely going to interrogate the fire mage after the job.

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 **Please review, favorite and all that jazz!**!


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone, long time no see lol. I apologize for the crappy quality of this chapter, I was super tired when I wrote this. I hope you enjoy anyway!**

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Team Natsu finally arrived at Syntal, the town they were instructed to go to for their job. Natsu and Gray exited the train and joined Lucy and Erza, both pointedly ignoring each other, both for completely different reasons. "I hope you two didn't get into any fights," Erza said in a booming voice, glaring at them as if she were challenging them to talk back to her.

"No, actually. Natsu was kinda dead for most of the ride as always so it was fine," Gray said in a nonchalant tone. He was missing his shirt, and Natsu tried even harder to ignore him. Lucy caught his eye and winked, causing him to blush. He hoped it didn't show.

Erza, meanwhile, was nodding at Gray's comment. "Good. I'm glad you two have been getting along. Especially since you're going to be sharing a hotel room too. Now, speaking of which, we should go check in and get rested for the mission."

With that, she marched off with Lucy, carrying her massive amount of luggage with her and Natsu and Gray trailing behind them. "So, what are we even here to do?" Natsu mumbled, eyes glued to the ground.

"Mmm… it's not a hard job… the local bank in this town is having some problems with mages from a dark guild breaking in and I guess we're here to catch them and turn them in," Gray said. He glanced over at Natsu who was still trying not to look at the ice mage and started walking closer to him. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

Natsu jumped in surprise. "Wh-what are you talking about?" he asked, laughing nervously. Gray opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by Erza as she stopped in front of a small hotel. "We're here," she announced.

"I need to talk to you later," Gray whispered into Natsu's ear. Erza was getting the four of them checked into the hotel with quite a bit of yelling, and Lucy was making faces at Natsu. Gray was pretty sure they would start dating soon, they seemed closer than usual lately. "O-okay…?" Natsu said, finally turning to look at Gray with his wide onyx eyes. Pink dusting his cheeks, probably because of Lucy.

Gray felt a sharp stab of jealousy after thinking that, though he wasn't sure why. He wasn't jealous…

Right?

He didn't like either of them like _that_.

Although, this new side of Natsu he's been seeing today is pretty cute-

 _Wait_.

Gray shook his head as they left to go find their rooms. He was _straight_ , not _gay_ , and even if he was, it wouldn't be for Natsu of all people.

Anyway, there would be _no way_ Natsu would like him back.

But he wasn't gay so it didn't matter.

He was probably just tired from the train ride and his mind was thinking theoretical.

Erza stopped in the middle of the hallway in front of their rooms. Gray, still being lost in his own head, didn't process the fact that everyone else had stopped until he ran into Natsu and lost his balance. He felt strong arms pull him upright and a strange heat wash over him. _He smells like cinnamon…_ Gray thought deliriously.

"This is our room," Natsu informed him. Gray realized they were the only two on the hallway, meaning Lucy and Erza must have already gone into their room.

 _Meaning Gray could push Natsu up against a wall and kiss him because no one else would see-_

 ** _No, go away gay thoughts._**

"Right…" He mumbled. Natsu unlocked the door and they both went in, immediately dropping their luggage on the floor in surprise.

There was only one bed.

"There's only one bed," Gray said aloud. Natsu raised an eyebrow at this. "No shit, Sherlock."

"I'm not sleeping on the floor."

"Well neither am I, dumbass."

They stared at the bed for a few minutes.

"Well… it is a big bed…" Gray gave in. Natsu shrugged. "And it's only for one night."

The ice mage headed over to his claimed side of the bed and flopped down, closing his eyes. "Uh… did you want to talk about something?" Natsu said awkwardly.

Right, he forgot about that…

"I'm tired, after the job? It's nothing bad."

Lies.

Well, he didn't know just yet, for all he knew Natsu could have gotten in a fight before they left. He was off alone with Lucy quite a bit.

Even so, if they were self inflicted, Gray would have to emotionally prepare.

Although he didn't know _why_ Natsu would do something like that which made him feel a bit better.

"Oh, okay. I'm going to go… shower."

Gray heard the bathroom door close and the water start to run.

The sound was soothing.

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Natsu rested his head against the cool white tiling of the shower walls, letting the scalding water cascade off his back. His tears mixed with the water and he let out a sob, muffling it with his arm.

He hoped the walls weren't thin enough for Gray to hear.

To be honest, at this point he wasn't even sure _why_ he was crying, although he had a sinking suspicion that the reason Gray wanted to talk to him was because either because he found out Natsu was in love with him or he found out about his cuts.

Natsu's breathing became labored and he practically jumped out of the shower to find his razor. The shiny metal glinted in his hand, he positioned it over his wrist and…

Now that he thought about it, his wrist was too obvious, too easy to see. Natsu hesitated, moving the blade to his thigh and made a small cut on his leg.

He sighed in relief as the familiar hot pain flooded through his body.

He made another.

And another.

 _Bigger._

 _Deeper._

 _You deserve this_ , his mind hissed at him.

The Dragon Slayer stifled another sob when he looked down. His leg was a bloody mess. He cleaned the bathroom up and turned the shower off. The bandages he wrapped around his thigh made it hurt and he kind of regretted making cuts in such a painful place, but he probably deserved it.

Gray was awake when he came out of the bathroom, shirtless and just in his boxers, but Natsu was too tired to notice or care. "You took a while," he noted. Natsu shrugged, not feeling up to an actual answer.

"You okay?"

He forced one of his famous smiles and nodded. "Of course! I can't wait to break shit!" He exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips. That answer seemed to satisfy Gray.

A knock on the door interrupted them and a voice called through. "Are you two ready? We're about to leave."

Gray looked over at Natsu.

"Well, let's go then."

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